Bro's Struggle

3 months without salaries seems easy....


*title and gambar kopipes..

Cash Cow

We usually hears the terms "CASH COW" when business is good, but what does it actually means? Here are some excerpts on the definitions.

Wikipedia

1. "Cash cow" is also used sarcastically by sales and business people to describe a customer or organization that has no control over its spending. Quite often the term is used to describe government departments like Foreign Aid, and Highways and Social Security, where the spending is out of proportion to the services or goods received.

2. "Cash cow" is used in a Growth-share matrix to represent one of the four quadrants in the matrix. A "cash cow" product has high market share in a slow-growing market. A corporation would want to have as many "cash cow" products as possible.

Investopedia

1. A business, product or asset that, once acquired and paid off, will produce consistent cash flow over its lifespan

2. A cash cow requires little investment capital and perennially provides positive cash flows, which can be allocated to other divisions within the corporation. These cash generators may also use their money to buy back shares on the market or pay dividends to shareholders. 

3. This term is a metaphor for a dairy cow that produces milk over the course of its life and requires little maintenance. A dairy cow is an example of a cash cow, as after the initial capital outlay has been paid off, the animal continues to produce milk for many years to come.

Amnokepalapakdia

1. National Feedlot Corporation (NFC)....

The Bear

"The Bear went over the mountain to see what he could see,
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see, 
So..
He went back over the mountain to see what he could see,
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see..."


A very true fact to ponder about...

Today's Daily Factul - 12/10/2010

Black Magic Act?

Read here--->Syor kerajaan gubal Akta Jenayah Sihir 

I don't know where to start. The egg or the chicken comes first? Well, same thing applies here, as to establish the fact that black magic can be proven (scientifically) and then create the act? Or create the act and then prove black magic? Yours to decide.

Anyway, true to the 'spirit' of Factul, here's a glimpse of the future.

Case

John Labu mysteriously 'vanished' during dusk.

Case detail

During dusk everyday, Mr. John Labu, 33, (still a virgin) will mysteriously 'vanished' with out a trace. Sometimes they'll found him at graveyards (chanting numbers no one can understand), sometime at ceilings (of the village widow's house) and sometimes at cyber cafe back corners hidden from everyone. Report no RP/BM/001- was lodged at Balai Polis  Brickfield, and case was investigated by Unit D666 Black Magic - Seksyen Jenayah Ghaib.

Evidence

The Forensic Team - Led by Chief Inspector Jeanne Toncit, has found  3 DNA's belonging to 3 suspects, extracted by using an Ouija Board. Details of the DNA's as below.

DNA Type / Suspect  / Location found

3000 Celcius Triple Helix / Fire Mambang / Ceiling of Pah Janda

Ether (CH₃OC₂H₅) / Wind Mambang / Keyboard of Cyber Cafe

Oxisol / Soil Mambang / Graveyard 

Suspects

Based on the evidence, all 3 suspects has been apprehended and locked into 'biscuit tin' cap Chipsmore (sekejap ada sekejap tak ada). A specially vacuum sealed room was used for interrogation and a mediatator was called to question the suspects. After hours of mantras, finally the suspects admitted to kidnapping the victim under orders from Bomoh Ekor Mat Kapor. 

Motif

John Labu did not pay commission to Mat Kapor the Bomoh after winning lottery from the numbers he had given. In revenge, Mat Kapor summoned 3 Mambang's to kidnap John Labu, by offering them with duck blood.

Sentences

Black Magic Court Judge, Dato' Ken Chin Koat, after considerably examining the evidence and hearing all the crap from the prosecutor has pass these sentences.

Fire Mambang, Wind Mambang and Soil Mambang was sentenced to life imprisonment inside a tin, dumped at sea until the tin oxidize and can never return until summoned again.

Mat Kapor a.k.a Bomoh Ekor was sentenced to 15 years in jail and tongue cut-off so he can't 'jampi' anymore. This is also to avoid him escaping from prison by placing black magic to the guards and hypnotizing them to let him out.

Case Closed. John Labu never played 'nombor ekor' again, he moved on to play Internet poker.

Sources: Berita Hairan.

Disclaimer - Artikel diatas tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup, atau yang sudah mati, atau yang ghaib.

Medical Q&A with Dr. Factoid.(Bs. Hs. Cd.)

Dear Dr. Factoid,

I'm experiencing a high level of stress at my workplace due to heavy workload and low pay. Sometimes I'm seeing things (hallucinations) and experiencing short term memory lost. What did I just wrote? I forgot already. Anyway can you provide me some details on stress and how to handle them effectively? 

Stressed worker.

Dear Stressed worker,

First of all thank you for consulting with me. As you can see from my qualifications, (Hs - Horse Shit, Bs - Bull shit and Cd - Cow dung) you have come to the right place for answers. My vast experience in treating mentally illness type diseases have been proven to work effectively and until now, nobody has ever complained after being consulted by me, they either died or being put into the mental asylum and never ever being heard of again. Anyway, enough bragging, lets go back to the medical emergency in hand. 

STRESS can be classified into 2 types. Mechanical Stress and Biological stress. From your condition, my diagnosis is that you are having a Biological type of stress - ie "mental", as you haven't mentioned anything about any parts of your body being at stress, any stiffness or unmovable limb or some sort, or something like that and plus I don't think you are a robot because robots do not see hallucinations and do not have memory loss, unless we erased the memory purposely. Your hallucinations also didn't mention seeing any naked or sexually arousing object, so it  did not also classify as "mechanical stress". I did suspect that you might be a robot at first, when you say you have heavy workload, probably something like a pneumatic/hydraulic lifting robot or similar, but then when you say you are getting low pay, it 99.9% confirmed my diagnosis as everybody (i mean humans) complaints about low pay - ie they 'think' they did get low pay, or they 'actually' did get low pay. So, enough for the diagnosis, now for the treatment.

1. Go shit.

This is probably the best stress relief treatment possibly available immediately (not exactly that immediate, you have to wait till the sensation come). Whenever you feel that you're having stress, straight away head to the toilet, open the door, clean a bit inside (you do not want to get more stress seeing other people stress relief excess) and start shitting. Remain calm and enjoy the process, and the FLOW. Do NOT force yourself. PUSH - slowly and steady. If you needed to moan, don't be shy and let it go..uummph aaah. Now as you're done, you can immediately feel the differences. Your mind becomes more clearer, your bodily functions becomes normal, and you can feel the freshness as your body becomes lighter and energize, which will result to no more stresses (and a cleaner bowel).
TIPS - read  a magazine or smoke or listen to MP3 from your mobile phone as it will help you relax. The longer you take to shit a 'piece', the better. Let it dangle a bit. 

2. Group therapy.

You can start by finding other workers that experiencing or you suspect having the same problems as you do.  Then start a group therapy. You can warm up the therapy by using simpler words like "apa la mamat nie " or "apala nasib ada boss cam nie" or "apala company nie" and then mediocre words like "s**l/bangang/bedebah/bodoh nak mampos punya boss/company/mamat" then finish of with hardcore words like "Pu****k/l**cau/c*bai/mati lagi baik bla bla" and so on. Put some mad expression to it and yell loudly to get more stress relieved. Take turns, and if possible to get more people into the therapy, including your boss ( if he's in it, try using aliases for anonymity).  
TIPS - Find a secluded spot for this kind of treatment, if possible do it on your working hours and name your group therapy,- ie "Stress worker anonymous" or "F**k the company anonymous". A good spot is where you can smoke while cursing.

3. Take a time off.

I wanted to say take five, but I don't think it's enough for this kind of treatment. Instead, take a time off as long as you like from your working hours. The best way is wandering around the building, going from workers to workers, stop by and listen to the latest gossip, or start one, pretend like you're doing something but instead you're doing nothing, only 'kacau' other people doing their job. If they are nobody to 'layan' you anymore, then you can start browsing the internet for anything that can waste your time. I do recommend Facebook for this, as FB is the mother of all time wasting website. OR write a blog. 
TIPS - when someone come to your desk, use ALT+F4 quickly, it will be seen like you're typing something or doing your job, but instead you're not.

4. Quit your job.

Cliche isn't it? You probably thought so. Why the hell are you still working there when you think you are having all these stresses? You want to die of heart attack or something? Pack your thing and move on. No job, no stress. New job, new stress. Simple and straight forward prognosis.  
TIPS - delete all your work, sabotage or report all the misconduct or blackmail your boss before you go.

So stressed worker, I hope you will get better after this. If the treatment somehow didn't work (I doubt it) please direct your legal actions to 1-300-IDGAD or 1-300-IDGAS.

Dr Factoid 

Bs. Hs. Cd.

Otogtnodi University.

Faculty of Factul Science & Health

Memories ?

Wandering around the internet,as always with nothing else benefiting to do and founded this clip, which brings back some feelings (or memories ?) that was lost long time ago..Still cant figure out what that feeling is, as you can't lose something that you didn't own beforehand, but mysteriously it seems to fill a large enough gap to make me wonder why..

4 FACTULS ABOUT CUPPING ie BLOODLETTING

CUPPING or BLOODLETTING translates to "BEKAM". I'm sure why you guys wondering, why a post about bloodletting, and the answer is because I underwent one yesterday, for a pain that was buggering me wrist for about 3 weeks already. I was originally offered a 'massage' but then after a couple of pinching and painful pressing, I was induced to try 'bekam' as the Makcik says 'Ini kalau urut pun takkan baik punya, bekam aje'. And hence, here's some of the factuls about Bloodletting.

1.
Bloodletting draws out bad blood from your system..and your money too..
Of course it draws blood, what else? And those bloods are said to be the bloods that is bad, containing all the dead blood, uric asids, and so on. So how are we going to prove that? Litmus paper? I have no idea how, but when those bloods are out, after 10mins of cupping, it seem to be a bit funny where the color is a bit darker and it gelled like 'dadih'. When asked why, the Makcik says 'Darah awak pekat nie, tak pernah bekam ke? Kalau darah orang eksiden merah, cair tak jadi pekat cam nie'. Ooo..ok...And how much it cost me? Initially she asked for RM15 per cup, so I told her just gimme 3 cups, as I told her I brought only RM50, but then she put on 5 cups, which prompt me to ask her, that's going to cost me more, and she said don't worry, 'ada diskaun'. And at the end, RM 50 changed hands. Quite a cost for a 15 minutes process, and me wrist still hurts.

2.
Bloodletting is good, when in an honest, know what you're doing hands.
It was said that bloodletting is following the "Prophet way" as advertised in the pamphlet from the shop, and checks with Mr. Wiki confirms this. So, me arguments is that, it's probably a good treatment, but why does my hands still hurts. Why? Here's why. When at the start of the process, the Makcik brought out a shaving tool and started to shave my hands. I don't have problems shaving my macho arms hairs, but the problems is the shaver is full with somebody else's hair! Shoot!! Where's your safety and health guidelines?Never heard of HIV ka? How come a medical practitioner didn't know this. It started to piss me off but, as a good patient that trust the 'doctor', I told her to stop (even though she just managed to trim a bit off) and change the blade. 'Ini yang saya malas nak buat bende camnie. Setakat nak tukar pisau pun susah ker? Baru berapa sen aje mata pisau tu?' in a good, nice manner. So, she changed the blade and I found out that she was using a good one, which is Gillette,and I guessed that's why, because Gillette is not cheap, it's about 70 cents each, so I asked her why don't you just use the cheaper TOPAZ blade, and the reply was 'Tok guru saya ajar macam nie, tak boleh suka-suka tukar, pisau ni buaya pun boleh potong'. Kih kih kih, I laughed in temper. But the process goes on.

After shaving another handful of my arm hair, she brought out the cups. There's small cup, big cup, medium cup, cups with profile at the mouth, and so on (I wondered if they are labeled as cup A, B or C... No D, I guess..). She then started to position the cups to my arm, and start sucking the air out by using a what it seems to be a hand pump. This time, the hand pump has  smear of bloods at its handle. I was about to cancel the process, but I asked 'Camner awak nak potong, pakai nie ke?'..'Tak nanti awak tengok ler'..Twice I asked but I got the same answer, but when I saw her breaking a new Gillette blade in half, I'd calmed down. But then, another awkward moment happens when she couldn't position the cups, when pumped, the cups holds for a while and dislodged because the pressure was off, and the surface was too small to get a proper vacuum on. 'Biasa ler kat pergelangan tangan ni memang susah sikit nak letak'. So in the end she put it where it can hold, but not where the pain was. Again as a good patient, I had let the good 'doctor' proceed as they know best.

After she pumped about 5 spots, the surface turned a bit darker, she'd removed a cup and started to make small incisions by using the broken blade, and to tell the truth, the pain was quite joyful, and there was a girl next to the booth, who is being duped into joining a cheap, low cost travel package (not like me, I am not being duped, I am voluntarily) was watching, and she started to 'Ish..aa..tengok tu orang bekam dia hiris tangan..Eee'..and I just smiled like there was nothing happening, "macam gigit semut jer..". It was about 10 to 15 small incisions made per cup on the skins, when after those incisions, she put back the same cup on the same spot and pumped the air out again. This is when, all the bad blood was pouring out, and you can feel the pressure sucking it. It was quite a new sensation, when I noticed that suddenly, the booth was full of people watching. People shoving theirs head around to watch and I felt, they must think I'm insane by doing this. Again, normally, these 'procedures', will be done in a closed booth, which they have in site, but for me, as it was only for one arm, she said it will be fine as you don't need to lie down, so I agreed to do it outside in the open, which I never thought that in the process I would be subjected to be the 'lab rat' for the others to check upon. I just smiled back to those people and then turned my head, looking down and thinking how can this be happening to such a skeptic like me.

Meanwhile, the Makcik noticed that one of the blood started to bubbles. She showed me that and said 'Yang berbuih tu sebab asid'..'Oh ye ke..' ..But when closely inspected, I found that there was a leak coming from between the skin and the cup mouth, so I showed her, and said 'Nie buih ni pasal bocor nie...kat sini..' She just blinked. So, from all those experience, I had come to the conclusion which, bloodletting is good, when in an honest, know what you're doing hands. And me wrist still hurts. 

3.
Bloodletting leaves marks.
A hell lot of marks. Yes it will leave bruises marks, but not only that, there was marks of unproper planning, marks of no point, marks of self destruction,more painful marks and marks of disbelief in my mind to why in the world I had done this. But, some goods has come out from this. First, I got to blog about it, you can read first hand experience about bloodletting, and we could learn something good from it, like, me wrist still hurts.

 

4.
Bloodletting is a SCAM?
Well, I am not saying that the kind of treatment is, but from the above experience, I came to the conclusion that the people running it, is probably running a scam. Why? Additional to the pieces above, I had noticed some tell tales that is typical to a standard scam (my on ISO standard on scams).

First, luring or setting up the bait. They do this by luring you with something like let me just check first, when you're hook, then they sell you their most expensive items. In this case, the Makcik offer me feet massage,but I don't need one. Since my wrist was aching, I asked can you instead massage it? Can, she said, and you know the rest of the story, how I was hooked and the process begins, from initially just checking to a full hand cupping.

Secondly, questions is answered, but not to the question itself. Confusing? Right, when asked about further details, they will answer to it, but the answer is guiding you somewhere else. Example, when asked about how long does this bruise marks will disappears, the answer was 'Sapu aje minyak ni nanti hilang ler'. When asked, how do you clean all this equipment, the answer was 'oh semua bawak balik ke kedai, cuci guna chemical'...'Jadi banyak ler cup nie...mana tak nampak pun?'..'Eh..ada.. banyak lagi kat kereta, berbeg-beg lagi'....ya ka..

Thirdly, putting faith as a confident-ship. They will tend to attract us by showing that the  treatment is considered an Islamic treatment, included in the hadith and so on. They even went for asking my name, and then without reason, my mother name and then, asked me to cite 'Al-Fatihah and selawat 3x', before the treatment begin,(and before the cupping is offered) just to show that they are running an honest business. Since I normally would just avoid things like these, I guess you are wondering why after all those tell tales and I still got duped? Well, simply because, some people still have that senses of trusting other people without bad judgment, and consider all people are good at heart, but the main reason was because me wrist hurts and I needed to solve it.

And in the end, my wrist still hurts and I should have just gone to see a doctor..